One of the girls in our home group brought us all a copy of this poem. It's one of my new favorite prayers!

Prayer of Sir Francis Drake

Disturb us, Lord, when We are too well pleased with ourselves,
When our dreams have come true
Because we have dreamed too little,
When we arrived safely
Because we sailed too close to the shore.

Disturb us, Lord, when
With the abundance of things we possess
We have lost our thirst
For the waters of life;
Having fallen in love with life,
We have ceased to dream of eternity
And in our efforts to build a new earth,
We have allowed our vision
Of the new Heaven to dim.

Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly,
To venture on wider seas
Where storms will show your mastery;
Where losing sight of land,
We shall find the stars.
We ask You to push back
The horizons of our hopes;
And to push into the future
In strength, courage, hope, and love.

It is so easy to be complacent just being stagnant in our relationship with the Lord when we think we are doing fine on our own. One of my favorite verses of a Justin Barnard song is "When in the valley, I know I tend to cling to your hand, because I'm afraid when I can't see. But on the mountaintop I like to stand alone. That's when you break and rescue me." God's ideas always seem like an oxymoron to me. When you're weak, you're strong. When you're poor, you're rich. When you're free from the law, you're a slave to righteousness. Dead to sin, alive in Christ. I guess it's not surprising that this is no exception. The truth is that the times we think we are sitting pretty are usually the times when we are sinking deepest. Lord, don't let me get to a place where I am comfortable and everything seems so good that I forget how desperate I am for you. One of my favorite lines in that poem is "Disturb me, Lord, when I have arrived safely because I sailed too close to the shore." It reminds me of the song that this blog is based on, called "What do I know of holy?" One of the lines is "Where have I even stood but the shore along your ocean?" I don't want to be sitting on the shore dipping my pinky toe into the waters of life, when I could be submerged in them and pressing hard into the heart of the Lord. I don't want to be "safe," because of a lack of faith. I don't want to be so full of this world that I stop hungering for the Father's presence, or so caught up in building my own little world that I forget what it means to advance the kindgom. Father, disturb us. Who says the valley is a place of hopelessness? God doesn't...

"Therefore I am now going to allure her;
I will lead her into the desert
and speak tenderly to her.

There I will give her back her vineyards,
and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope.
There she will sing as in the days of her youth,
as in the day she came up out of Egypt.

"In that day," declares the LORD,
"you will call me 'my husband';
you will no longer call me 'my master. '

Hosea 2: 14-16

You Are Still Holy-Kim Hill

Holy, You are still holy
Even when the darness surrounds my life
Sovereign, You are still sovereign
Even when confusion has blinded my eyes

Lord, I don't deserve Your kind affection
When my unbelief has kept me from Your touch
I want my life to be a pure reflection
Of Your love

And so I come into Your chamber
And I dance at Your feet, Lord
You are my Saviour
And I'm at Your mercy
All that has been in my life
Up 'til now
It belongs to You
You are still holy

Holy, You are still holy
Even though I don't understand Your ways
Sovereign, You will be sovereign
Even when my circumstances don't change

Lord, I don't deserve your tender patience
When my unbelief has kept me from Your truth
I want my life to be a sweet devotion
To You

And so I come into Your chamber
And I dance at Your feet, Lord
You are my Saviour
And I'm at Your mercy
All that has been in my life
Up 'til now
It belongs to You
I belong to You

And so I come into Your chamber
And I dance at Your feet
You are my Saviour
And I'm at Your mercy
All that has been in my life
Up 'til now
It belongs to You
I belong to You
You are still holy
You are still sovereign
You are still holy, Lord
You are still righteous
You are all-knowing
You are still holy

Jeremiah 5:22 Moment

This morning while I was writing in my quiet time journal, I felt like the Lord was calling me to pray and just invite him to come spend with me. So I just stopped and asked that His presence would fill my room. I don't know how many times I've prayed that prayer, but for whatever reason this time when I said it I finally felt the weight of what I was asking! I think usually when I pray that what I really am thinking, without even realizing it is, "God make me feel good during this time, so I'll know that you're here," which is kind of a prideful thought really. But this time instead of getting a rush of peace, I was overwhelmed with fear. Had I really just invited the God of all creation to sit in my room (my laundry piled in the corner, unmade bed, last week's cereal bowl sitting on the floor, would drive my mom crazy, dirty room)? And I did it so nonchalantly! Did I really have the authority to even suggest that the Lord who holds every piece of this world together would actually desire to sit and spend time with me? I think the whole idea of inviting God's presence to dwell among us has become too routine for me. It's a prayer I pray almost every day, whether it be in church, when I'm having lunch with a friend, or during my quiet time. It's a prayer that comes from good inentions, but like every habit, eventually the concious meaning is replaced by ritual. May the weight of those words never seem simple to me again! And the best part is that in the midst or my fear and feelings of unworthiness, the Lord whispered, "Of course I'll rest with you. In fact, I long for that opportunity more than you ever have or ever will!" The mystery of a perfect, holy God who desires communion with flawed and filthy sinners will never fall short of being the most amazing reality any of us will ever know! Find joy in the knowledge that there is no one the Lord desires to spend time with than you, and there is no other time he would rather start than right now. Approach his throne with freedom and confidence (ephesians 3:12), but in humbleness recognize whose presence you are sitting under (Job 38-41).

Oh, and we just finished our first life group meeting. It was really great. Not exactly what we planned it to look like, but when the Lord is leading it rarely does. Keep praying that the Lord would place more people on our hearts to be a part of it!

Obedience without Intimacy is Dead Religion

"This is LOVE for God: to obey his commands. And his commands are NOT BURDENSOME."
1 John 5:3

It is amazing to me how Satan can take the most innocent actions and pervert them to become so far from what God desires for us. There are so many times when I start making promises to the Lord about areas of my life that I am going to change for His glory, and before I know it, I am focused so much on the actions that go along with those promises that I've forsaken intimacy with the One who I'm working for. I specifically remember a month last semester where I got so caught up in trying to do what I thought would bless that Lord, but in the end I was so overwhelmed because without fail every single day I would fall short of the things I was trying to accomplish. And as soon as I would think things were getting better I would come across another verse that convicted me of something that I was doing wrong. My relationship with the Lord was suffering, because I started feeling unworthy to approach his throne and ashamed to ask Him for anything when I wasn't meeting the standards of his word. I remember sitting in my car by myself one night and verbalizing my frustrations to God that I was trying so hard to be who He had called me to be, but that I just couldn't do it. I remember saying, "God, I am about to give up. I know you know I love you, but I am worn out trying to do all of these things. The more I try to figure out what I need to be doing, the more confused I get." And I remember so clearly hearing him say, "Then stop." Not exactly what I was expecting to to hear. I just looked in my prayer journal from that night and I this what I wrote:

October 1, 2007

"Just love me, Missy. When you are truly seeking me, everything else will fall into place. Don't get so caught up in seeking answers that you forget who you are really wanting to find."
-God

He never intended for a relationship with him to be hard. I spent a long time seeking intimacy backwards. I was trying to gain intimacy through obedience, when the real answer is to seek intimacy and obedience follows. Not that you shouldn't try to follow God's word obviously, but the more you seek Him, the more your heart molds to His and all of that stuff comes naturally. One of my favorite quotes from my pastor, Jason Craft, is:

Christianity is not a discipline to be endured. It is a relationship to be enjoyed!!

There is so much freedom in that truth!

Small Beginnings

I feel like I've lived most of my life under the idea that I'm just in a waiting room getting ready to step into the real plan God has for me. I catch myself thinking God is just preparing me now for when I'll really start my life ministry. I'm always just waiting for the next big thing to happen for my life to start. I remember thinking in middle school that high school was the ultimate goal. Then as a freshman in high school I thought "If I can just make it to college..." Now that I'm here, I've bought into the idea that "real life" doesn't start until after graduation. The other day I was talking to one of my friends and I told her, "If you can't learn to be content where you are, you aren't going to be content when you get what you think you want." Right when I said it, I realized that it was actually the Lord telling me that.

I think I probably had the worst perception of real life than I've ever had last semester. I hated my classes, and when I wasn't working on stuff for school I was complaining about having to do it. Even right before this semester I was dreading doing student teaching and had a bad attitude about where I was at, because I really felt like I had chosen the wrong major and everything I was doing was just in vain. Thankfully, the Lord, in his grace, never stopped working on my heart, and for the first time in a long time I have a much better understanding of what it means to be a faithful minister in every situation.

In Zechariah 4, Zechariah is encouraging the Israelites to continue rebuilding the temple. They started, but then when they weren't seeing the progress that they wanted and expected, they got discouraged and distracted and began working on their own homes instead. In verse 10 Zechariah says "Who despises the day of small beginnings?" Basically he is reminding them that there is no small work in the kindgdom of God, and that even though they are not seeing the fruits of their labor yet, their work is crucial for the advancement of the kingdom of God.

I know there are so many times when I have prayed that the Lord would just show me His will for my life, and only recently have I actually listened after I asked him that...and like most times when the Lord speaks to me, the answer I got wasn't what I expected. He didn't give me a 5 year plan for after I graduate or a vision of what my family will look like 10 years down the road. Instead, he simply said, "You're already right in the middle of my will. I have put you where you are because at this moment in time that is the place where you will be most effective for my glory. You're not in training camp; You're on the front line of the battlefield."

So even though I feel like I'm in the "day of small beginnnings" I have found so much joy knowing that I don't have to wait until I graduate to start a real ministry. I am praying that even in a short semester the Lord will be able to use me to minister to the kids in the kindergarten class I am working in and to the girls in the ChiO house. It is amazing how much more effective you are to the kingdom and how much more sensitive you are to the Spirit's leading when you are content wherever the Lord has you for this moment. Just as Paul learned "the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want," I pray that we all find contentment in the work we are doing for the Lord right at this very moment. If you are seeking the Lord, you are not only IN his will, you ARE his will for those around you!!

PS- If you're reading this be praying for the life group we are starting at our house this weekend! I think it will be an amazing ministry, but it will only be as effective as the prayers that surround
it :)!

Laminin Lamentations

After I watched that Loui Giglio video that everyone has been talking about lately (here's the link to it if you haven't seen it, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_e4zgJXPpI4), I got on google and typed in "laminin" just to find out more about it. Somehow I ended up on a random guy's blog. He was upset because his family kept sending him an email about this sermon that Giglio had given. This guy isn't a Christian, and he was really offended that people kept trying to witness to him through spam (understandable). He was naming off other proteins in the body that represented symbols of pagan religions to mock the idea that laminin's structure was intentionally designed by God. At first his response to this sermon really offended me, but as I continued reading his rant I was really convicted by his challenge to people who claim to be followers of Christ. Obviously a lot of what he said discredited the sovereignty of God and I didn't agree with it, but when I read this part of his entry it broke my heart and overwhelmed me with conviction. He said:

"Do you pray for my soul? Are you saddened to know that I will burn in Hell, or do you think God has a special miraculous plan for me? And what of the billions on Earth who do not believe in the salvation through Christ? Do their damned souls make you weep at night?"

He's exactly right. When is the last time I wept for people like this guy? On most days, I probably spend more time wondering what I'm going to have from lunch than I do pleading for people's salvation. I feel like Christians are really guilty of sharing with each other how good God has been in their lives but then not being intentional about sharing that with nonbelievers. It's like having the cure for cancer and only giving it to healthy people. It doesn't make any sense. I've had a revelation lately that I spend too much time focusing on my intimacy with the Lord...before you think I'm crazy, let me explain. What I mean by that is that everyday my goal is to get to a place where I know the Lord more deeply than I did the day before. The problem with that is that it's the goal...when the real goal should be furthering God's kingdom and my intimacy with him is simply a tool for accomplishing that. If the only reason I'm here is to draw closer to the Lord's heart, then take my home, Jesus. The reason we're here is to be a testimony and a reflection of the grace and mercy of Christ. I can't take the credit for the challenge I'm about to give you, because really it came from a guy who has never experienced the heart of God...and just to prove his sovereignty, the Lord used him, a frustrated Christian-hating atheist, to minister to my heart, and hopefully to yours. So the challenge is to weigh the time you spend meditating on meaningless matters compared to the time you spend battling for souls. I know for me it was an embarassing and convicting comparison.
Love you guys! Have a great week :)!

God In A Box

Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. Psalm 63:3
왜냐하면 당신의 사랑이 생명보다 낫다, 내 입술을 영광스럽게 하리라. 시편 63:3
Parce que votre amour est mieux que la vie, mes lèvres glorifierai vous. Psaume 63:3
Weil Ihre Liebe ist besser als das Leben, meine Lippen verherrlichen sie. Psalm 63:3
Perché il suo amore è migliore della vita, le mie labbra glorificherà voi. Il Salmo 63: 3
Até Porque o seu amor é melhor do que a vida, meus lábios Glorificarei. Salmo 63:3
Поскольку вашей любви лучше, чем жизнь, мои губы будут прославлять вы. Псалтирь 63: 3
Debido a que su amor es mejor que la vida, mis labios te alabarán. Salmos 63:3
Çünkü sevgisinden daha iyi yaşam, dudaklarımla yüceltsin olacak. Mezmur 63:3
あなたの愛があるよりよい生命、唇は神に栄光をささげます。 賛美歌63:3

This weekend Dan and I went to the Korean church in Stillwater. I was supposed to write a paper about a cultural experience that was out of my comfort zone for one of my classes...the thing about God is that He is so huge that he can even use a school assignment to reveal His sovereignty to us. Dan and I were the only two Caucasian people in the entire building. In fact, they were so shocked to see us there they had us stand up and introduce ourselves before the the pastor began his sermon. I had a lot of time to think during his explanation of Acts 1, considering I didn't understand a word that was coming out of his mouth. I think the reason that we hate stillness so much is that God usually takes advantage of those opportunities to reveal areas of our hearts that we would rather not see...the revelation I had in that 30 minute span was that I have limited God by making him an idea that was comfortable to me. I limited Him based on my shallow, American view of what I thought He should be. How naive do you have to be to think that God is a middle class Caucasian man with a white beard and a robe? That's how I've seen him my entire life. While I was sitting there listening to a whole room of people sing in a language I couldn't understand, I realized that their praises were just as sweet or sweeter to the Lord as anything that has ever been offered in an English worship service I've been too. I don't even know what they were singing, but I know it was blessing the Lord's spirit. It was really neat to just sit in a place where I knew God's presence was welcome...and that's the only thing I knew. I wasn't concerned about the words of the songs or getting the tune right, I was simply able to sit there and rest in the presence of the Lord while my brothers and sisters in Christ ushered Him in through their praises.

If you haven't read The Shack yet, you really really need to! It's probably the best book I've ever read. It's basically just a really sweet picture of how desperately the Lord desires an intimate relationship with us regardless of where we are in life. It was really hard for me to get used to at first, though, because God is depicted as an African American woman (not to give anything away, sorry). I never realized how limited my view of God was until I started reading that and my immediate reaction was "Yeah right, that's so weird." The point the author was trying to make was exactly what the Lord revealed to me this weekend, that we can't limit God based on what we think He should be. God isn't confined to same cultural, religious boundaries that we place on Him a lot of times. He is bigger than what we can comprehend, and by making Him something He's not, we limit the power He has through us. So I encourage you to ask the Lord to reveal to you areas where you have limited Him and not even known it. You might be surprised to find that you make Him a lot smaller than He really is...I know I was! Have a blessed week :)!