Obedience without Intimacy is Dead Religion

"This is LOVE for God: to obey his commands. And his commands are NOT BURDENSOME."
1 John 5:3

It is amazing to me how Satan can take the most innocent actions and pervert them to become so far from what God desires for us. There are so many times when I start making promises to the Lord about areas of my life that I am going to change for His glory, and before I know it, I am focused so much on the actions that go along with those promises that I've forsaken intimacy with the One who I'm working for. I specifically remember a month last semester where I got so caught up in trying to do what I thought would bless that Lord, but in the end I was so overwhelmed because without fail every single day I would fall short of the things I was trying to accomplish. And as soon as I would think things were getting better I would come across another verse that convicted me of something that I was doing wrong. My relationship with the Lord was suffering, because I started feeling unworthy to approach his throne and ashamed to ask Him for anything when I wasn't meeting the standards of his word. I remember sitting in my car by myself one night and verbalizing my frustrations to God that I was trying so hard to be who He had called me to be, but that I just couldn't do it. I remember saying, "God, I am about to give up. I know you know I love you, but I am worn out trying to do all of these things. The more I try to figure out what I need to be doing, the more confused I get." And I remember so clearly hearing him say, "Then stop." Not exactly what I was expecting to to hear. I just looked in my prayer journal from that night and I this what I wrote:

October 1, 2007

"Just love me, Missy. When you are truly seeking me, everything else will fall into place. Don't get so caught up in seeking answers that you forget who you are really wanting to find."
-God

He never intended for a relationship with him to be hard. I spent a long time seeking intimacy backwards. I was trying to gain intimacy through obedience, when the real answer is to seek intimacy and obedience follows. Not that you shouldn't try to follow God's word obviously, but the more you seek Him, the more your heart molds to His and all of that stuff comes naturally. One of my favorite quotes from my pastor, Jason Craft, is:

Christianity is not a discipline to be endured. It is a relationship to be enjoyed!!

There is so much freedom in that truth!

Small Beginnings

I feel like I've lived most of my life under the idea that I'm just in a waiting room getting ready to step into the real plan God has for me. I catch myself thinking God is just preparing me now for when I'll really start my life ministry. I'm always just waiting for the next big thing to happen for my life to start. I remember thinking in middle school that high school was the ultimate goal. Then as a freshman in high school I thought "If I can just make it to college..." Now that I'm here, I've bought into the idea that "real life" doesn't start until after graduation. The other day I was talking to one of my friends and I told her, "If you can't learn to be content where you are, you aren't going to be content when you get what you think you want." Right when I said it, I realized that it was actually the Lord telling me that.

I think I probably had the worst perception of real life than I've ever had last semester. I hated my classes, and when I wasn't working on stuff for school I was complaining about having to do it. Even right before this semester I was dreading doing student teaching and had a bad attitude about where I was at, because I really felt like I had chosen the wrong major and everything I was doing was just in vain. Thankfully, the Lord, in his grace, never stopped working on my heart, and for the first time in a long time I have a much better understanding of what it means to be a faithful minister in every situation.

In Zechariah 4, Zechariah is encouraging the Israelites to continue rebuilding the temple. They started, but then when they weren't seeing the progress that they wanted and expected, they got discouraged and distracted and began working on their own homes instead. In verse 10 Zechariah says "Who despises the day of small beginnings?" Basically he is reminding them that there is no small work in the kindgdom of God, and that even though they are not seeing the fruits of their labor yet, their work is crucial for the advancement of the kingdom of God.

I know there are so many times when I have prayed that the Lord would just show me His will for my life, and only recently have I actually listened after I asked him that...and like most times when the Lord speaks to me, the answer I got wasn't what I expected. He didn't give me a 5 year plan for after I graduate or a vision of what my family will look like 10 years down the road. Instead, he simply said, "You're already right in the middle of my will. I have put you where you are because at this moment in time that is the place where you will be most effective for my glory. You're not in training camp; You're on the front line of the battlefield."

So even though I feel like I'm in the "day of small beginnnings" I have found so much joy knowing that I don't have to wait until I graduate to start a real ministry. I am praying that even in a short semester the Lord will be able to use me to minister to the kids in the kindergarten class I am working in and to the girls in the ChiO house. It is amazing how much more effective you are to the kingdom and how much more sensitive you are to the Spirit's leading when you are content wherever the Lord has you for this moment. Just as Paul learned "the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want," I pray that we all find contentment in the work we are doing for the Lord right at this very moment. If you are seeking the Lord, you are not only IN his will, you ARE his will for those around you!!

PS- If you're reading this be praying for the life group we are starting at our house this weekend! I think it will be an amazing ministry, but it will only be as effective as the prayers that surround
it :)!